


Can I get one off you?

by cruelladevilline



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Cigarettes, Evan Needs a Hug, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It's kinda short, M/M, Panic Attacks, Swearing, evan discovered the calming effects of nicotine, its almost 2 am please help, jared is kind of a dick, lowkey inspired by a song, this isnt a crack fic i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 02:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruelladevilline/pseuds/cruelladevilline
Summary: Connor stood still, staring at him for a long moment, radiating nothing but rage. Suddenly his shoulders slump as if life has been drained out of him and he looks at Evan now with exhaustion. The heavy silence is broken with Connor's heavy sigh and question,"Can I get one off you?"Evan stares dumbly, the question not processing at all. He simply blinks, still staring openly at Connor before blurting out, "Wha- What?"Connor takes a deep breath, his eye twitching in irritation. "A fucking ciggerate, can I get one off you?"Evan, as if now just remembering the lit cigarette in his hand, nods quickly and holds up the pack to Connor, his hand shaking again. Connor sighs in what sounds like relief, pulling one out of the pack and slumping down against the wall next to Evan.orthe one where Evan and Connor bond over smoking cigarettes outside the school





	Can I get one off you?

**Author's Note:**

> tw: kinda panic attacks, swearing

Evan was once again, completely and utterly anxious. His anxiety was rather high today, being that it was the first day of senior year. Gripping his backpack strap with his uncasted arm, he made his way into the school, his heart-rate quickening and breathing becoming unsteady.

Anxiety and panic still steadily creeping its way towards Evan, he maneuvered his way through the busy hall to his locker, actively avoiding everyone and trying not to flinch at the sounds of lockers being shut or classroom doors being opened. He was near tears, and damn he really didn't need to be crying right now. Taking a shaky breath and trying to rid the knot that was growing in the base of his throat, he makes it to his locker.

As he was still trying not to have a full-blown panic attack and get his breathing under control, someone slings their arm around his shoulder, causing Evan to jump and let out a surprised gasp-like-squeak.

"Wow, did you turn into a dog toy, what the hell was that sound, Hansen?" Jared asked, amusement lacing his voice. Evan released a shaky fake laugh himself before gripping the hem of his shirt, an anxious habit he somehow picked up. Jared follows the sight of Evan's hand before letting out a startled laugh, "Shit, what's up with the cast? Did you really jerk off so much that you broke your arm?" Jared laughs again, releasing his grip on Evan's shoulder.

"Wha- No! I just.. I fell out of a tree.." Evan mumbled quietly in reply,

"Oh my god, that's is so lame!" He said loudly, causing a few heads to turn. "Are you an acorn or something?"

Evan quickly shook his head and bit his lip, he cast his gaze down. Jared was talking too loudly, everyone was looking. They were all probably staring. Everyone was thinking he was some kind of idiot. There were too many people, it was too much, too much. The knot at the base of his throat was back, and he was struggling to breathe, his entire body was shaking and his eyes were brimming with unshed tears. Panic kept ebbing its way towards Evan until he was near hyperventilating, finally choking out a stuttered sentence.

"C-Class, I, I h-have to get to c-class."

He pushed his way past Jared, his legs trembling and barely holding his weight. Only briefly hearing Jared saying something about someone's hair as he pushes through the hall buzzing with people, each in their own respective friend groups. Getting enough control over his shaky legs, he somehow makes it through the hall and past the exit doors of the school. Tears finally streaming down his face, he exited the doors to the back of the school, using the wall to support himself. Evan sank down the wall, bringing his knees up to his chest and focused on trying to get oxygen in his lungs. His throat burned with the lack of air, and his eyes itched with the number of tears he was shedding due to panic. He sat that way for a while, trembling and waiting out his panic attack, waiting for his body to run out of adrenaline.

As his anxiety eased, and he could finally breathe, he shrugged off his backpack, letting his head hit the wall he was sitting against. Knowing he was probably missing his first class, anxiety slowly clawed its way up again, causing Evan to drastically search through his backpack for the cigarettes he stored in the very bottom of his backpack. Normally the very idea of getting caught smoking on school grounds caused Evan to be too paranoid to ever attempt it, but after the encounter with Jared, he's pretty sure he couldn't be too bothered to care. His anxiety was expectedly high today. The thought of senior year, the last year of high school, the thought of having to apply for colleges, having to pay for college, getting scholarships.

Evan lit the ciggerate with shaking hands and slowly took a practiced drag. With the nicotine filling his head, he could feel his anxiety easing away entirely, taking another long drag and exhaling slowly, letting the smoke cloud in front of him.

Half a ciggerate later, Evan was feeling less on edge, and almost okay enough to walk back into the school building and be on time for his next class. This was quickly changed by the school doors he was sitting next to aggressively swinging open, revealing a trembling teen clad in black. Said teen paced back and forth, long hair covering his face from Evan's view. Which was just fine with him, as Evan was now holding his breath and trying his hardest to blend into the wall. He was quickly discovered though as the teen, who turned out to be Connor Murphy swung around, glaring angrily at Evan. Really, Evan should have guessed. From the fraying messenger bag, black hoodie and painted nails, it should have been a dead give away.

A tense silence of staring passed over them, Connor now with his hands balled into fists and breathing heavily. Connor stood still, staring at him for a long moment, radiating nothing but rage. Suddenly his shoulders slump as if life has been drained out of him and he looks at Evan now with exhaustion. The heavy silence is broken with Connor's heavy sigh and question,

"Can I get one off you?"

Evan stares dumbly, the question not processing at all. He simply blinks, still staring openly at Connor before blurting out, "Wha- What?"

Connor takes a deep breath, his eye twitching in irritation. "A fucking ciggerate, can I get one off you?"

Evan, as if now just remembering the lit cigarette in his hand, nods quickly and holds up the pack to Connor, his hand shaking again. Connor sighs in what sounds like relief, pulling one out and slumping down against the wall next to Evan, before holding his hand out expectantly. Staring at his hand dumbly again, Evan finally realizes he's asking for a lighter. He shuffles around in his backpack again before placing it in Connor's hand and watching him lite his own cigarette taking a drag with ease. Not wanting to be caught staring like some creep, Evan takes another drag of his own. An awkward silence settles over them again, as they sit, taking drag after drag. Evan wonders what would be the easiest and less obvious escape route. God, what if they get caught. Connor was known to be the resident school druggy, so it was no surprised he asked for a ciggerate, but Evan was starting to panic at the idea of being caught or told on. He really couldn't afford to have this on his school record. Oh god, I have to get out.

His racing thoughts were halted, by Connor breaking the deafening silence.

"What happened to your arm?" He asked,

"O-Oh! Uh- I, well, fell out of a tree." Evan sputters out, looking at the cast.

"Well, that's just about the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard." Connor laughs, taking another drag before finishing off his cigarette.

He nods, a laugh dying on his lips, "I know."

"Want me to sign it?" Connor asks, giving a sideways glance at Evan.

"Y-You don't have to. I mean, you can if you want, but like, no pressure or obligation or anything." Evan rambled on before sighing and taking the last drag of his own cigarette.

Evan finally looked over at Connor, at the sound of shuffling. He was looking through his pockets and pulled out a sharpie. Evan would have asked why he conveniently had a sharpie in his pocket, before noticing the intricate swirls and doodles that covered Connor's hands. His staring was interrupted by Connor harshly grasping at Evan's casted arm, making him squeak out a small 'ow.' Connor, looking at Evan's face mumbled out a 'sorry', easing his grip on the boy's arm. Uncapping the black marker, he wrote out his name in large blocky letters.

"Now, that just looks like shit, doesn't it?" Connor mumbled, glaring down at the sloppy handwriting.

"It's not bad," Evan replied, looking down at the cast as well. He was actually rather happy to have at least one name on his cast, even if it was from Connor Murphy. He lightly ran a hand down the name, careful not to smudge the still damp ink.

"Nah, it looks like crap, let me try and fix it." He said, grabbing at Evan's arm again, albeit softer this time. Connor leaned down, scribbling on the cast. His long hair obscured the view of whatever he was writing, making Evan panic slightly. He just hoped to god he wasn't drawing a dick on his cast. Sometime later, Connor stopped, placing the cap back on the sharpie and looking over his work. When Evan finally had the nerve to look down at his cast, he was pleasantly surprised. The same swirl designs that decorated Connors' hands were distributed on his cast, flowers, leaves, and vines were all around and weaved through the large letters of Connor's name.

"Oh- T-Thank you," Evan said, giving a hesitant smile to Connor. "It's really pretty, I mean, like, you're a really good artist."

He just shrugged, placing the sharpie back in his pocket. "It was just to make up for my crappy handwriting."

"It's really not the bad," Evan replied, still looking at Connor, whose eyes had closed and was now resting against the wall. 

"I guess," Was the disinterested answer he gave,

Evan, trying to grasp at something else to say as to not go back to the awkward silence, blurted out the first thing he could think of, "Why are you skipping class?" That did get Connor's attention, as he turned his gaze to Evan, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Why the fuck are you skipping class?" Came Connor's defensive reply. 

Evan shrank back into the wall, again bringing his knees close to his chest and hugging them. Not wanting to face the truth of having an anxiety disorder, and not being able to function like a normal human for two damn seconds, he went with the next best thing. "It was just a stressful morning I guess.. I needed some time."

Connor let out a puff of air that sounded almost like a laugh and a disbelieving sigh. "So you went to the back of the school to smoke? Gotta say, never expected shy Evan Hansen that I shared English with to smoke outside the school." He grinned, prompting Evan to give a sheepish smile back. "To answer your question though, Jared Kleinman is a dick."

Evan let out a muffled hum of agreement, remembering the comment Jared made before he ran down the hall. "Yeah.. He kind of is. Sorry if he said something to you."

Connor just shrugged again, standing up and hoisting his backpack up higher. "It's not your fault he's a dick."

Evan quickly packed the lighter and pack of cigarettes away, looking up at Connor. "Where are you going?" He asked hesitantly, a frown carving its way onto his face. Evan was rather enjoying the small conversation he was having with Connor. It was more than anything he ever did with Jared, no insults being thrown, no one poking fun at his anxiety. Connor glanced back down at Evan, a mischevious grin etching it's way onto his face.

"You're not what I expected you to be, Hansen. And for that reason, you and I," he paused pointing at Evan before himself for dramatic effect, "are going to ditch school." Connor held his hand out again, but this time he was awaiting Evan's hand, a grin still in place on his face, lighting up his normally scowled features. The anxiety that coursed through him at the thought of ditching an entire day of school almost propelled him to say no. _Almost._

**Author's Note:**

> this probably sucked sorry lol


End file.
